The following is an excerpt from my book.
This is the first of a three-part series on body language.
Part 2: Reading Male Body Language
Part 3: Using Body Language to Boost Sales and Enhance Presentations
The study of human body language is one of the most interesting subsets of Psychology. A basic understanding of common body language signals is extremely beneficial for any social interaction. Our body language can provide insight into our moods, thoughts, and motivations.[[MORE]] Although much research has been conducted in the realm of body language, it is not an exact science. Situational and environmental factors may alter the meanings of certain actions.(ex: a person may cross their arms because they are cold, not because they are are turned of by your message)
One of the more useful applications of body language interpretation is in the field of romance. When you understand the significance behind some of the most common actions (many of which are rooted in the unconscious mind) displayed in social gatherings, watching people interact becomes instantly more exciting and entertaining.
Picking up on the signals that are being sent your way can help you pinpoint the people in the room who find you attractive. It can also help clue you in when you are no longer welcome in a particular interaction.
When looking for indicators of interest, you should look for clusters of signals. The presence of one signal may not have much meaning; other situational factors may be at work. Spotting multiple signals (verbal and non-verbal) in conjunction with each other is much more reliable.
Common indicators of interest displayed by women include……
Action: extended incidents of eye contact with you (5 seconds or more, uninterrupted)
what it means: very interested in something you are saying or just finds you appealing
Action: crosses/uncrosses legs constantly or pushes feet in your direction while in your vicinity, adjust clothing or hair constantly, playful, light touching (e.g. hits your shoulder or arm)
what it means: attempting to grab (or keep) your attention and get you to focus on her
Action:arms/legs remain uncrossed (open body language), neck exposed and pointed in your direction, torso/body facing you, exposes the underside of her wrist
what it means: open to your advances; willing to listen to what you have to say
Action: mentions activities she wants to do in the future while conversing with you
what it means: subtle suggestion that you should take her to these places
Action: non-stop smiling (sincere smile, from ear to ear) in your presence, remains around you for extended period of time in setting with other people, goes out of her way to laugh at your jokes, asks questions/extends conversation, asks ‘what are you thinking?’
what it means: she enjoys the time she spends with you; wants to learn more about you; hopes to stay in your good graces
Action: flips shoes on and off of toes, handles cylindrical object in your presence in flirtatious manner, touches body/hair while looking at you
what it means: considering intimacy (possibly with you)
You also want to keep your eye out for evidence that your presence is not welcome and that she is not interested in you (at this time).
Here are a few signals that she is currently disinterested in you or what you have to say….
–arms closed-body facing away from you-insincere smile (teeth are partially concealed/no lines around eyes)
–does not ask questions about you or attempt to extend conversation
–feet facing away from you
–appears inattentive while talking to you
If she is preoccupied or not an engaging participant in the conversation, it may be best just to politely excuse yourself and head elsewhere.
Now that we know understand some common body language signals, we should study what separates promising opportunities for approaching an individual from unfavorable ones. It is not unlike choosing a fishing spot along a riverbed; one can find indicators that an environment will facilitate success.
Ideally, you want to approach people who appear open to interruption and interaction with others.
People that are open to being approached are…..
–not fully involved in their work
–sitting alone or with one other person
–bored or restless
–glancing at their surroundings periodically
Conversely, we want to avoid situations where the odds are against being accepted. Situations featuring….
–one or two people actively engaged in an activity
–three or more people
–a setting with lots of noise or poor visibility
I’m not saying you should restrict your approaches to only ideal situations, as life rarely presents perfect opportunities. Rationalizing inaction in life will get you nowhere, fast. You should just be aware that certain environments are less conducive to success than others.
Questions? Contact me here.
Part two of this series, Reading Male Body Language, coming soon.